500mg Paracetamol, 500mg Erythromycin and 30/500mg Co-Codamol

Woe is me. Listen to me whine for a moment.

Day One Sore throat.
Day Two Very sore throat. Sucks being in work. Buy Strepsils and Beechams All In One. These products are USELESS. Get about 1 hours' sleep in total.
Day Three Call work telling them I'm sick. Constantly salivating and it's absolute agony to swallow. Like Sonic the Hedgehog set on fire thinking Dr Eggman is the inside on my asophagous and he must tear/burn him to death. As slowly as possible. Zero sleep possible. Going slightly demented.
Day Four Feel even worse. Text colleague at work telling them I can't come in. Go to A & E at first light. Miserable old boot woman on reception tutts at me and shook her head because I had the sheer audacity to turn up without an appointment and aren't registered with a Doctor. Excuse me for having an emergency, hag. Finally see Doctor. He tells me "It's nothing to worry about." and prescribes 5 days worth of pills . If it wasn't total ultra pain to swallow, I literally would have sucked him off to get something to relieve the pain or help me sleep. Choke pills down. Too sore/sad/dramatic/deviod of emotion to weep in my forlorn dismay.
Day Five Email work incoherently babbling my symptoms. Poor me blah blah. Night and day = agony. No sleep, can't eat, can't even sip water. Daytime TV + no fluids = slight dehydration dementia. Try to eat ice cream. Heave uncontrollably for some time. Call A & E. Would cry down the phone if possible. Nice man prescribes stronger pills. These help. Get 2 hours sleep.
Day Six Wake up feeling better! Call work. Gargling Co-Codamol every 4 hours helps. Manage to eat toast and drink tea. Guts hurt but feel more satisfied with myself than Piers Morgan post morning mirror wank.
Day Seven Wake feeling even better! Eat tea and toast! Instantly poo it out in liquid form! My own poo drips on my ankle. I die a little inside.

This is where I am at the moment. I'm basically a brave version of Anne Frank. I woke up with morning wood the other day, that's probably a good sign. Until the next time...